In which Bilbo is forlorn and Thorin is a perfect arsehole
by SmellsLikeTeenSpirt
Summary: Prompt fill: Modern!AU. Thorin and Bilbo have been dating for a couple years and they fight constantly. It's a good week if they don't threaten to break up with each other. It's for this reason that everyone is surprised when Thorin and Bilbo announce they're getting married.


Prompt fill: Modern!AU. Thorin and Bilbo have been dating for a couple years and they fight constantly. It's a good week if they don't threaten to break up with each other. It's for this reason that everyone is surprised when Thorin and Bilbo announce they're getting married. Everyone is like, "why the fuck are you getting married if you're always talking about how you hate each other?" and they're both like "because I hate him more than I love anyone else and I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. Besides, the make-up sex is amazing."

Bilbo and Thorin fight all the up until their wedding and right before the ceremony, one of the Company finds Bilbo yelling at Thorin through a door that he's going to divorce Thorin when they're married and they end up having sex in a closet during the reception.

Basically I want a fic about Thorin and Bilbo being the most loving hateful couple ever and them getting married.

* * *

They had met in college. Bilbo was seventeen and fresh out of secondary school, Thorin was twenty four and in his second year of architecture. Bilbo had been drawn to him like a moth to a flame and it was no wonder what with his tall stature and brooding good looks. Bilbo Baggins was well and truly fucked from the first moment he laid eyes of Thorin Oakenshield and oh, didn't he know it.

It was a month into term and even longer of Bilbo casting longing glances towards Thorin from across the campus when he had relented to the fact that they would never be and was destined to die alone, surrounded by fifty cats. He knew there were no words to describe how deeply, royally fucked in love Bilbo Baggins was with Thorin Oakenshield and there was nothing he could do about it. Well, nothing except drink away his feelings. So that's exactly what he did.

He dragged along Ori and Bofur to whatever bar had been designated for the night. (Ori was in Bilbo's literature course and Bofur had been one of the first people Bilbo had befriended upon moving to the area) Both were more then familiar with Bilbo's woes when it came to the object of his, some would say, obsession, it was pretty much a routine at this point.

"Look at him!"

Bilbo was drunkly seething, his words slurred by the copious amounts of vodka he had consumed. All poor Ori could do was to try to humour the drunken writer, nodding in the right places and making sympathetic noises at random intervals. His honey blond curls were in a worse state then usual and his blue waist coat had the remnants of his last drink spilled down the front adding to his overall depressing image.

"That...arsehole!" He held his hand up to the bar man in a silent request for another shot. "With his stupid, perfect face and toned chest!" Oh, and there goes that shot. He went to repeat the motion but Ori grabbed his had mid gesture and for what seemed like the hundredth that night, cursed Bofur for leaving him to deal with this alone while he tried his luck with Nori. _Some support_ he thought bitterly. "Who does he think his is? He is a sadist isn't he? He knows what he does to me and that fucker enjoys it!"

"Bilbo, did you ever think to just tell him how you feel? Thorin isn't a mind reader and I doubt that he even knows..."

That had apparently been the wrong thing to say.

"DOESN'T KNOW?"

Oh god people were staring.

"Of course he knows! I gave him plenty of opportunity but nooooo!" Seemingly coming here had been a fatal mistake on their part as it also just so happened to be one of the rare occasions in which Thorin decided to indulge himself in the joys of college life and enjoy himself for once, meaning that even if he tried, Bilbo could not escape.

Ori sighed exasperatedly._ Okay, this isn't working _He thought._ Time to slap some sense into him before he drinks himself into a coma._

"Oh for goodness sake Bilbo!" He snapped causing the smaller man (which was an impressive feat seeing as Ori barley reached five foot eight. Bilbo would always argue of course that he was much larger then his actual size of four foot knew better.) to nearly fall from the bar stool. "Did you really think that you staring at him with that forlorn look on your face was going to get you anywhere? I know you're not that stupid!" Bilbo winced at the harsh words but Ori had no time to feel bad for being so harsh. He had put up with this for weeks and he would be dammed if he was going to let this go on for even another minute. "If you really want something to happen you will get off your arse and tell Thorin the truth."

Bilbo was silent for a long moment before he began to splutter indignantly. "What do you want me say?! I hardly think going up to him like 'Oh hey Thorin! So I've been completely in love with you since the start of the year, want to come back to my dorm and shag my brains out?'

He was so caught up in his rant that he paid no mind to the fact that Ori had paled considerably (he put it down to his rather crass language, Ori never was big on swearing and berated Bilbo every chance he got for his,admittedly, foul mouth when only worsened when he was was drinking.) and that his wide eyes were no longer focused on him but...behind him? "Furthermore why would he-" He cut himself off. "Ori, what the hell are you looking at?" He turned around on the stool and followed Ori's horrified gaze with his own bleary eyes.

_Oh bollocks._

There, towering over him stood none other then Thorin fucking Oakenshield. All six foot five of him. With a smirk playing at his lips and a dark eyebrow quirked, Bilbo never wanted anything more then for the ground to swallow him up for if it didn't he feared that he would surely die of the embarrassment of it all.

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._

Thorin cleared his throat and crossed his arms. "Now, what's all this talk of you wanting me to, how did you put it? _Shag your brains out?" _He leaned down to pull Bilbo's hands away from his face and his voice lowered in a way that turned Bilbo into putty. "Because I can't say that I'm terribly opposed to the idea."

And thus began their whirlwind relationship.

For the first few weeks the pair were sickeningly sweet, turning the stomachs of all who laid eyes on them. If they weren't snogging each other in some of the most inappropriate (and public) places they were having sex. Very, _very_ loud sex. Yes, for the first few weeks the pair were very much stuck in the "honeymoon phase" of their relationship, but soon enough that was all to change. Really, in hindsight everyone should have seen it coming. The pair were just so _different_ that they were bound to clash at some point, but just how much, none of them could have predicted. The first fight happened on Christmas Eve, during sex no less. The two had been keeping up Dwalin and Ori, the unfortunate room mates, with their lude moans that made Ori blush to the roots of his russet hair and dirty talk that had even Dwalin shifting uncomfortably in his seat. The air was awkward and tensions were high between the two occupants until a shrill shout from Bilbo cut through it like a knife.

"What do you mean I have to meet your family?!"

Thorin winced at Bilbo's harsh tone. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to spring such a thing on his boyfriend during sex but it had just slipped out and he hadn't expected Bilbo to react so...badly. As Thorin saw it, that was the logical next step in their relationship. Wasn't it?

The mood well and truly killed Bilbo pulled away from Thorin and sat at his side of the double bed to give him an incredulous look. "Please tell me you're joking?"

Thorin pushed himself up on his elbows to cast a confused look Bilbo's way. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?! What's wrong with that is the fact you decide to tell me this a _day _before I'm supposed to meet them and during sex?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Thorin huffed indignantly. "What's wrong with _me_? You are completely overreacting to th-"

The smaller of the two let out a humourless laugh. "Overreacting am I? You know what, I'm done with this." Bilbo scuffled around the room dressing himself as he gathered the clothes that were strewn across the room in their haste to remove them.

"Where are you going?" Thorin sighed and ran a hand across his face.

"Away from you! And don't bother coming and knocking on my door because I won't be home!" And that was all that was said before Bilbo stormed out of the dorm, slamming the door and leaving two very confused people in his wake.

The following two days were miserable for the both of them, Bilbo spent most of the time locked up in his room and if he cried himself to sleep that night, no one had to know. Bofur and Bifur did their best to comfort him (they too had not returned home for Christmas, it never was a favourite of theirs anyway.) but their efforts proved futile and only resulted in upsetting Bilbo even more then before. Thorin was no better off, he still had to go visit his family but to say it was the worst Christmas day he had ever had would be a monumental understatement. He was irritable and would snap at Fíli and Kíli for no good reason and to top it all off he received a rather thorough scolding from his father for bringing everyone down. Honestly, he had never been so miserable in all his life and that misery was in the form of one Bilbo Baggins. Or more specifically, the significant lack of Bilbo Baggins. He didn't know at what point it had happened in the short time they had been together but he would be dammed if he wasn't sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Bilbo. He could no longer tell where he began and Bilbo ended and he fucking loved it. How someone so small could have captured his heart so completely was beyond him but he knew that he had given his completely to Bilbo and as soon as got back he would get down on his knees and grovel for forgiveness, pride be dammed.

And so that was exactly what he did, except there was a lot less grovelling involved then he would have expected. When Bilbo opened the door to his dorm Thorin felt his heart shatter at the sight. He had never seen Bilbo looking so dishevelled, with his curls in disarray and dried tear tracks down his face that shined sliver against his pale skin in the dull lighting of the front hall. He was wearing one of Thorin's hoodies that on his much smaller body, brushed just above his knees. Thorin offered a weak smile and held his arms out for a hug. Letting out a strangled sound in the back of his throat Bilbo immediately moved into the space provided, clutching to Thorin like a lifeline.

"I'm so sorry." Was all he could manage over and over. Thorin preyed himself away from Bilbo's death grip so he could look him in the face.

"Hey, hey, none of this okay?" He wiped a stray tear from Bilbo's face. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I realize I shouldn't have sprung that on you like that, especially during sex..." Bilbo let out a tearful laugh. Looking back on it the whole situation was rather funny.

"Let's just promise not to fight like that again okay? I don't like it." He looked up to Thorin with a small smile playing at his lips. "Agreed."

In a silent reply Bilbo wrapped his arms tighter around the muscular torso and tilted his head up for a kiss. The chaste pecks soon grew more heated and before they knew it Bilbo had been hoisted into Thorin's arms, his legs wrapped around the larger mans waist while Thorin's vice like grip supported him from under his bottom. Heated kisses had lead to... other things. Other _fantastically _passionate and loud things.

By the end of it Bilbo lay panting on Thorin's chest the other no better off, and in a silent admittance both decided that maybe fighting wasn't so bad if the resulting make up sex was so mind blowing.

Once they had made up things were practically back to normal for the group. Bilbo and Thorin were back to their regular ministrations with Bilbo straddling Thorin's lap and snogging for how ever long they could, every now and again pulling apart to whisper sweet nothings into the others lips and repeating before Dwalin would smack Thorin on the back of the head or Balin would clear his throat awkwardly.

"Sorry." Would be the usual reply from Bilbo who would always have a slight pink hue to his normally pale cheeks, but whether that be from genuine embarrassment or if he was just flushed from their _activities_ no one ever really knew.

Everything seemed to be perfect for the following days but after all, promises were made to be broken. Just like they got used to the pair being all over each other they also grew used to the roaring arguments that they would have. What would start as a normal disagreement would almost always escalate into a fifteen minute shouting match that had one or both threatening to break up with the other (and honestly, it was considered a good week if it didn't get to that point.) What they couldn't get used to however, was the sex. They really never could get a break when it came to those two, either they were going at it happily in love or having even worse (or better depending on how you looked at it) make up sex. Dwalin was starting to think one of them would start an argument on purpose if only for the resulting tryst, which is why he was particularly pleased when Thorin was done and dusted with college and he and Bilbo moved into their own flat. The respite from the couple made the passing years easier on the group who had become rather good at sensing when things were about to take a turn for the worst and avoid the general area for a few days. It was second nature at this point.

It was for this exact reason that the group were so shocked when Thorin and Bilbo called them all to their flat one night during their fourth year as a couple. Now it wasn't the invitation that shocked them per say, more then it was the nature of it. Ori had somewhat of an idea what was going on if the cockamamie smile on their faces were anything to go by, they were being soppier then usual and so when they were gathered in the living room, Bilbo perched on Thorin's lap and the rest seated on any unoccupied surface they could find, he braced himself for the oncoming shit storm that was sure the follow.

"So, you're probably all wondering why we asked you to come here..." Bilbo began airily, biting his lip to keep the smile that was threatening to take over his face at bay.

_Oh this isn't happening. _Ori thought.

"Truth is, we've something to tell you all."

_Not happening. _He covered his face with his hand.

"We're getting married!"

_It happened. It actually happened._

As soon as the words left his mouth all hell seemed to break loose around Ori, who still had his face buried into his hands, trying to pretend that did not _actually _just happen. The pair just looked at each other with furrowed brows as they observed the commotion unfolding in front of them.

"Okay!" Dwalin held his hands up to quiet everyone around him. "Everyone shut up. And you two!" He turned to Thorin and Bilbo. "What is wrong with you?!"

"Dwalin what are you-" Thorin was cut off once again by Ori.

"What are you two thinking? How could you even consider getting _married _if all you do is go on about how much you hate each other!"

It was quite for a while after that both of them looking contemplative until finally the silence was broken by Bilbo. "Because, I hate him more than I love anyone else and I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else." He used one hand to cup Thorin's scruff covered cheek and leaned in to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

The rather unexpectedly sweet admission had most of the group smiling and Dori dabbing at his eyes with his handkerchief.

"Besides." Thorin shifted Bilbo in his lap as a smirk played at the corners of his mouth. "The make-up sex is amazing."

The lead up the the wedding had gone very much as expected. With one of both of them threatening to call the whole thing off but they both knew no matter how heated their arguments got that they didn't mean it. They never did, no matter how much they tried to convince themselves otherwise.

Making it up the aisle was no easy feat either seeing as the minute before the ceremony was to take place Bilbo had sprung it on Thorin that they would have to take care of his nephew after the car accident last month had claimed the lives of his cousins and seeing as Bilbo _was_ his legal guardian... he had trailed off leaving no room for argument.

Bilbo later claimed that it was revenge for the debacle at the start of their relationship to which Thorin protested that a toddler was a great deal bigger then having to meet ones parents. But as always the resulting make up sex in the hotels store room relieved any and all tension and/or threats of divorce.

This particular incident is one that both Dwalin and Ori refuse to acknowledge for several reasons, number one being that Ori never quite got over the mortification that he was drunk enough to _actually _consider having sex with Dwalin in a store room of a hotel, and second that in their haste they had in fact learned that neither of the now wedded couple had mastered the art of locking doors. They never spoke of it and the rest of the group decided that if what they saw was enough to make _Dwalin_ blush, well then, they didn't really want to know.

They had met in college. Bilbo was seventeen and fresh out of secondary school, Thorin was twenty four and in his second year of architecture and now they were married with a family of their own.

Having Frodo in their lives had changed the dynamics of their relationship somewhat over the years. Fights became few and far between (unless Thorin was acting like a particularly perfect arsehole.) Together they witnessed his first word (which was Daddy and directed at Thorin thank you very much Bilbo!) ,first day of school and even the first time he had come home blushing because Sam Gamgee had given him a flower and a kiss on the cheek for Valentines day. The group all took bets for how long it would take them to get their their act together and if they could break Thorin and Bilbo's record. They all got a scolding from Bilbo for exploiting his son once Bofur let that one slip. Ori would always take credit for the beginning of their relationship but in the end did it really matter?

It was Bilbo and Thorin. Thorin and Bilbo. Just how it was always supposed to be.


End file.
